March 17, 2005

The Process of Panicking

So I suppose I owe somebody an apology for the fact that I haven't posted in a few days. To tell you the truth, it's felt like way longer, but I guess I need to account for where I've been.

The sad fact is, I've been right here. The good news is, it wasn't really in vain. I've spent the past few days:

1) Panicking. That's right, only 55ish more days until graduation, and guess whose thesis isn't done yet. Guess who has about a bajillion words to write between his thesis and a music history paper? Guess who hasn't thought of the topic for the history paper yet? That's right - me.

2) Worrying. I'm a spiritual giant, which means that every so often, I have to take a good long look at myself just to make sure that I'm still a spiritual giant. Then I realize that wait, I'm not really a spiritual giant, and rediscover what pithy humility I've learned by God's wonderful Grace. As it turns out, when I discover who I really am (and not the image I've created of myself), I find that instead of simply repenting, I must first go through a rather long period of self-loathing and self-torture, to what end, I can't say. But it means that I spend a lot of time worrying, hoping that some almighty lightning bolt doesn't smite me out of existence and in the process, ruin my wife's quilt. She really likes that quilt.

3) Repenting. Well, sort of. I prayed about it a few times, thought that perhaps some good 'ol piety might fit in well. God said to knock it off and come back when I was sincere. So I did, and then I did what comes next ...

4) Writing. Yes, I've been writing for three days. And I must say, the amount of work I've gotten done on my thesis is rather staggering. Turns out that God is willing to give just about anybody, even me, a second chance. And so I stand before you now entirely exhausted from talking postmodernism (to myself, nobody wanted to listen) and emergent church for so long. But the paper is starting to come together, which is way cool.

So there you have it. I'm truly sorry that I've ignored the Calvinism discussion, but frankly, the thesis has a deadline and the discussion doesn't. But I have heard that
Mike and Adam have had a good time of it talking, and so at some point soon here, I'll join back in on the dialogue and actually practice what I preach.

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