Stolen from my friend Andrew (who is himself Asian), this is quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever read about Japan.
Japan (n.): Quite the nicest place to live in the world, unless you're a foreigner. In which case, you will be accepted if you have money and are Chinese, or maybe American (Canada, Australia, New Zealand, the United Kingdom, Mexico, France and Russia are considered synonymous with the United States). Even then, you will be constantly stared at and expected to maintain fastidious standards of cleanliness, such as slurping your noodles, picking your nose, copulating in public and bathing in the same bath that a lot of incontinent elderly people have been wallowing around in. Japan is a very safe place to live, unless you're a student and the victim of unmerciful bullying and ostracism, as well as badgering by your teachers. (see GERMANY; UNITED STATES OF AMERICA).