December 16, 2004

The Beauty/Curse of No Limitations

So we had our first alternative service meeting tonight. Well, second if you count the one that was with the head-honchos, telling us to "go forth and research" (which naturally I couldn't make because I had class). But I have to say, it was probably the meeting where I had the most fun of any meeting ever. Why? Because I got to dream. I got to say "this is what I want!" and there was naught a limitation. None. Nada.

And so I wonder what the future holds. There are tons of way cool things that I want to do, and yet I can only do one thing, maybe two, at a time. I have to graduate first. Well, I don't have to (don't tell my parents I said that), but I really kinda want to. Then the sky's the limit.

I can take my wife and leave for Australia (after much work to raise missionary funds). I could go to seminary (once again, I will take my wife, and for the record, that goes without saying on all of these). I could work for a while and stay in the Victor/Canandaigua/Rochester area. I could wander off to some other state and live there and work for whatever reason. I could stay in Canandaigua, work, and maybe figure out a way to help with the new alternative service (or heck, even be a pastor for it, if things went well). We could backpack the appalacian trail and decide then.

And yet I have no clue.

Australia is definitely in the works. I feel like it would be a useful thing for a lot of reasons for us to go, both to serve God and to let Him teach us a lot of things. Yet somehow I feel needed here in upstate NY still ... especially at church.

I guess the question comes down to, when does a place that need you not really NEED you, so much as they really want you cause it makes things feel easier? If a place really does need you, does that mean that God's actually saying "stay there" or could God be telling you to go somewhere else?

Or let's make it harder (cause right now it just IS). How do you choose between two places that you really want to go and whom both seem to need you equally?

Right now I have no idea. I'm being torn in a bunch of directions, and not only my future, but also the future of the beautiful woman I married depends upon my decision. If it was just me it was hard. It's two of us though. And we have to think through stuff like "when do we have kids?"


For those of you with answers, I'll be glad to know them, and you can post comments.

I guess this is the part of life that still boggles me. We are apparently free to say "I don't know" in God's church. I've never liked those three words. "I don't know." "I", meaning me, Chris, the guy who has always 'known' everything to some degree (or conned myself and others into thinking I did), "don't," meaning do not, a negative statement, and "know", meaning have knowledge of. I have no friggin' clue what to do. None. Nada. It's funny how so few limitations can be a blessing sometimes and a curse in others.

So I'll just say it: "I don't know."

It occurred to me that sometimes God will open a door in the face of a lot of closed doors. Other times He'll have lots of open doors and then slowly close them one-by-one. And they're both just as frustrating.

And so it begins ...

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