February 17, 2005


It's a wonder that I've made it through college at all. Seriously. Like, with the amount of time that I've spent by myself and yet did absolutely no work at all ... how did I even pass most of these semesters?

I've been thinking about the whole "being alone" thing. It's not that I'm regretting my decision to get married or something, far from it. But I spend a lot of time by myself now. There's this sort of awkward period between when I get home from class and when my wife gets home that I'm supposed to fill with doing homework, and yet more often than not I find myself wanting to just ... slack off. I find that being alone, by myself, solo, etc. is totally a bad thing for my studies. I don't have a sufficient workload (which was what I had last semester) to motivate great amounts of productivity. I say "aww, heck, I can do it later." You know what they say - there's no time like the present for putting off what you don't want to do and could do tomorrow.

And incidentally, does anyone else think that the word "awkward" is like, word painting?

Anyway, so what would it take to get me productive? More work, I guess. But not only that. Last semester, the amount of work I had was also work that I felt actually justified in doing. I've been trying to sort of sludge through my senior thesis reading, of which I have an abundance, but a guy can only read so much. I'm doing about as much this semester as I did last semester in my other two courses (which are carry-overs from last semester).

The other thing it would take is work I actually care about. I love my thesis topic - I'm deeply passionate about Emergent Christianity and its implications. If you want to know, just ask, I'll ramble on about it for hours. Anyway, for some reason, I've hit this point where I've got to write everything down ... and my brain is having trouble wrapping around the immensity of the project. Almost like there's too much work to get done.

Which sucks, because it's like, what the heck, can't I get the right balance at all?

The truth is, I've got this nasty bug called "senioritis." It's a fairly contagious pathogen, derived from the common virus of the same name found in most high schools. Except this one is more lethal, beause most seniors who get it don't go back to school ever again. Which is very tempting, given that I could theoretically go far in the field I've chosen without ever going to seminary.

The solution? I'm totally open for ideas from everybody, but I guess it's going to take serious willpower to get to May and Graduation. Then I can get involved in church and music and the real world again. Sweet.

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