April 25, 2005


So I was making myself some brunch today and I realized something: I have a hard time with decisions.

See, it suddenly dawned on me that I was having a really hard time deciding what to make for lunch. This isn't anything new - I always have a hard time making up my mind where food is concerned. A little deeper, though, I started to wonder: how does this compare to my normal decision making?

I started thinking back to bigger decisions, like where to live, if I should propose or not, if we're going to Australia, things of that nature. And I realized that I really don't seem to have any trouble with truly important decisions. I knew I was going to marry Liz. I knew that we're going to Australia, even if it often seems nearly impossible. I knew that the first apartment offer was the best one.

And yet I can't make up my mind what to have for lunch. It extends to lots of trivial areas - where should we go out to eat? What movie should we watch? What piece of music should I listen to right now? What sweater do I wear today? Should I take Rt. 332 or the Back Roads? What should I ask for for my graduation present? ... the list is endless.

For some reason, the decisions seem so terribly important at the time. Take the graduation present question. I don't even care that I'm graduating, except that it means I can stop being a student and do something normal. I just want the little piece of paper so I can go get a real job.

And yet, I found myself agonizing ... do I want a new computer gizmo? Should I ask for something that both me and my wife can use? How do I use this wonderful opportunity for material aquisition for its largest advantage?

How sad: I want to be a missionary and I make a big deal out of ... stuff. [side note: I love the word "stuff". We wanted to use it in an academic paper last semester but decided not to because we thought we might get yelled at by the professor, who happens to be the dean of the college. I think it should be accepted in the academic world as a useful tool for literary expression or something. Maybe with qualifiers, like "good stuff" and "floppy stuff".]

I keep making a big deal out of the trivial things in life - which is sort of humiliating, in a way. If I'm supposed to go and be a messenger of God, shouldn't that be something I'm over? I shouldn't be worried about what we're having for dinner (food is an especially big deal, it seems), or if I feel a little damp (i.e. uncomfortable) in the humidity. It's just stuff man! Deal!

1 comment:

Laura said...

I don't think so. I don't think that now that you are a missionary (or almost) you'll stop being human :-)
You will still have all the concerns of this world, after all, we live in it.The important thing, I think, is to keep perspective. It's nice to get something for graduating. You worked hard, and you're at the end of that road, and it is quite an accomplishment.Celebrate it! Stuff isn't all bad! Just..don't let it run your life, and you'll be fine! :-)