The Cosmic Misunderstanding

I just had the weirdest conversation. My friend (a girl) asked me about guys and why it is that they - guys - think that if a girl is even remotely attractive, the girl has led him on. Usually this involves talking between the two, but not necessarily.

I didn't know how to respond to that at first. But then it hit me - guys are simple. No really, we are. I mean, on some level we're way more complicated, but fundamental operations for guys are pretty easy - we look at the stuff we think is nice (women, guitars, and things with engines).

Now, when it comes to our interactions with women, there's this large - universal - idea that guys are arrogant. It's not that. Well, it is that, but not to the guys. What every girl calls arrogance is really a sort of cosmic misunderstanding on a hormonal level - guys think with their balls a lot, but this causes them to think that they're thinking with their heart or, God forbid, their head. Now, when they're genuinely thinking with their head or heart, they're pretty nice people. Some guys do this more than others.

The thing is, Christian guys are the worst culprits. Christian guys think that, "hey, we've got Jesus, we're saved, we can't possibly think with our balls because that would be un-Christian. Jesus didn't, why would He let us?" And so when a rather attractive girl comes along and talks to them, they begin to think "hey, she likes me, I want her, I must be in love." They think the girl is hitting on them, when maybe (usually) the girl just wants to talk. They get their "emotions" (hormones) involved and and then the girl discovers that they're no different from other guys. And so they feel led on, and the poor girl thinks she's done something terrible by talking to them.

So the answer is this - girls, I am so terribly sorry, but you'll just have to be patient. If a guy thinks he's been led on but you really didn't, don't think much of it, just ignore it and move on. I mean, if you are leading on guys, stop it, we've got it hard enough trying to really think with our heads (it's like being in the matrix, how can you really tell if you're thinking with your head or if your balls are telling you you're thinking with your head?).

But if you're just trying to be friends - just understand that we tend to think with other organs more than with our brains. I try not to anymore (outside of my marriage, where it's ok occasionally), but I'm married - I have an object of affection, and she's wonderful. But I used to, and I abused it. So take it from me - just be patient. The right guy will come along, and sooner or later you'll notice that he thinks with his head and maybe his heart more than other things. And all will be well, and there will be much rejoicing ...